bye, R.

O n e .

I want nothing more than to call you. To talk to you. I need to know how you are doing.

But, you broke my heart and acted like it never happened. And I know you can't just call someone who does that to you. You can't just cave, you can't just forget.

I want to ask you if it was as hard for you to get over me as it was for me to get over you. I want to know how lonely you felt when you didn't have anyone to roll over and hug in the early mornings. 

I want to know how long it took for you to forget what it sounded like to hear me saying your name. 

It took me way too long to forget the sound of your voice. And I can still feel our last hug and how much it hurt me when you told me that we can do this again, but the truth is we can't, because the distance was just too much for you and the timing just wasn't right enough and i hope maybe we could try again someday.

And I cried and I tried to forget that it happened at all. I tried convincing myself for so long that I could be loved, and then fate blew you into my life like the hurricane you are, full of chaos and magnificence, and I finally believed that love could be for me, too.

And for a beautiful time, love really was mine. For a beautiful time, love was real, until it wasn't. 

-phosphenous, i-f-a.

first, papercuts.

but everything just stop from that day. the day i told him that i want to stop, though deep down in my heart i want him to try to fight for me once again.
he didn't come to me at that time. but he come to me at this time. and everything has changed. he is no longer the same man that i knew a year ago, and i'm no longer the same woman that he knew. we both change. and even though i want to run to him and say "let's start again", but i can't.
it's not you who doing something wrong. it's me. i messed up. big time. again. i'm sorry, fan.